Valentine's Day Slump

Let me start by stating who I am. I am a 21 year old girl. I am finishing up my senior year of college. My top 3 favorite holidays go as followed:

1. Christmas ( The season not just the day)
2. 2. 4th of July (Not Just Independence Day but my mother’s birthday)
3. Valentine’s Day.

I am single. I have been single. I don’t see an end to my dry spell anytime soon. Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, and I couldn’t be more excited.

I go to college and I am surrounded by many different people. People who are happily and unhappily “taken” and then there are the happily and unhappily people who are single. From all of these parties there are plenty of them who moan and groan about Valentine’s day.

Disclaimer ** I am going to make a very broad statement **, people who dislike Valentine’s Day, don’t truly understand what it is about.

I am constantly getting questioned about why I enjoy the day so much, people can’t quite understand how I could enjoy something so commercial (SO IS CHRISTMAS), or how could I enjoy being single on a day thats about love? …. Ahhh, there’s the rub, my friends.

Love. love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love….

Just because I am single does not mean I am not surrounded but living beings that I love.

Here is a rough outline of what my day will look like:

1. Wake Up. ( I love that I am alive)
2. Get into my car and drive. ( 2 things there. I Love Hazel and I love Driving)
3. Get a coffee. (do I even need to say it?)
4. Get to the Fine Arts Center. ( The place drives me insane but I come back every day because I LOVE what I do there.)
5. Go to Acting Class. (Once again, do I need to say it?)
6. Talk and chit-chat and gossip with amazing friends and faculty. ( I love my friends and would do anything for them, Plus they keep me from going insane)
7. Repeat #2.
8. Arrive at my real house, not my apartment. (I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT MY HOME)
9. See my mother. (I Hope I don’t need to explain this one.)
10. Reunite with my cat. (HE IS MY ALL, it is sometimes one-sided love but when I open that can of Friskies he remembers who I am, real fast.)
11. Do Laundry. (I have an unhealthy Obsession with fabric softener)
12. Watch TV/Netflix with my family. (American Bonding Time)
13. Go to sleep. ( That bed is comfy as F**K!)

There is not one thing on that list that does not give me that warm, fluttery, feeling in my heart. So next time you grumble or mumble about Valentine’s day, make a list. Never think that you are not loved. You are surrounded by people, animals, and things ( YES YOUR CAR LOVES YOU TOO) that love you and will love you for eternity. Valentine’s Day is about spending the day with the people you love. It is about spreading love to the people who may not feel it as much as you and it’s about loving yourself and losing the fear of being unloved.

Tomorrow I challenge you: Instead of the sad tweets and hashtags we will find all over social media, change it up a bit. My personal favorite is:#NeverAlone

Xo

Gianna

How I survived as a College Student. Theatre edition!

As I approach the last semester of my college career, I take a step back and give myself a good look. To be honest, not much has changed. Okay that may be a little bit of a lie, my hair is a little longer, definitely thinner. I have lost the teenage angst look, well some of it. In a matter of 4 years I have transformed from goth to glam, I traded the thick black eyeliner for lots of glitter and a set of false lashes. I hate to be that stereotype, but I think I have to give credit for my choice of major. I am finishing up a B.F.A in Theatre at a state university. There is a terrible stigma at the school, because the fine arts majors are compared to the pharmaceutical majors, that being said you know where all the funding goes. Many students, and professors, don’t realize the amount of stress the students are put under and that the work is just as rigorous and grueling as any other major you come across. However, I survived (knock on wood), and here are my guidelines to surviving your 4 years at a state university completing a major in theatre.

1. Freshman year is a fresh start.

High school labeled you, it forced you into cliques and called you things you may not be proud of. Even if you are attending a school everyone from your high school is attending ( like me) branch out. Don’t stick with the clique, find a new one and take advantage of them. Your first semester will be filled with 101 class, whether they are in your major or not, they are full of strangers and people wanting to get to know other people. Say hello, introduce yourself. Knock on the door of the dorm next to you, or leave a message on their board. It all sounds extremely cheesy and a little bit of an invasion of privacy, but it works. This is a general tip for all college freshman, but if you’re a theatre major, you are also going to want to open up to your classmates, cause things will get uncomfortable quickly.

2.Choose Classes Wisely.

like I mentioned before, you are going to get close to the people in your department, extremely close. You are going to find that person that you automatically click with and want to spend all your free time together. As fun as it sounds, don’t do it to yourself. Utilize the classes outside of your major. Not only are there interesting classes available, but you are also surrounded by thousands of other students. Focus on non-lecture classes. Pick a topic you like, and do not, I repeat, DO NOT take the class with a friend. Not only will you get to know new people, but you will also get a break from the line up of 3 hour acting and script analysis classes you have.

3. Keep The Drama To the Stage,

and when that’s impossible, stay out of the lime light. As I keep going back to my statement before, you will spend a lot of time with these other theatre majors. You will spend a lot of time in a small building with a lot of people who like to be the center of attention. Learn to walk away and remind yourself that you are better than it. Remind yourself you are an adult and have left high school, freshman year is a fresh start.

4. Make a Name For Yourself.

You will constantly hear that this business is all about who you know and how much they like you. It is true, and right away the faculty is going to pick their favorites. If they don’t choose you, and you will know, don’t pout over and do not discredit yourself. Make connections with the right people, build bridges, do things out of your comfort zone and do it with your head held high. Don’t be that suck up, because the faculty may not see through it but the real world will. Work ethic is the most important thing, you don’t need to kiss someones ass to move ahead in this business, all it really takes is some blood, sweat and tears. Embrace the grit inside of you and don’t be afraid of coming off as cocky. If you are good at what you do, just do it and get shit done.

5. Don’t Second Guess.

You are here for a reason. You chose theatre because you love it. There are going to be rough patches, you are not going to get cast, you are going to forget your lines, you are going to miss cue. Remind yourself that life happens, nobody is perfect, and move on. Remind yourself that you are good at what you are do and you want to do it the rest of your life. When things don’t go your way, you don’t give up or give in. If you want some thing know that you can achieve it. You will not succeed in this business with a low self esteem. It’s cut throat, it’s competitive, and it will drive you crazy. It is also your passion and you live for it. If you work hard, you will never fail, it may not go the way you planned but that is the best part of theatre right? It’s live and you have to roll with the punches and do not be afraid to punch back.

My Yearly Post

I’ve got an itch that needs to be scratched. Call me cynical, call me young, say I’m bitter, but I think I’m just curious. I have the million... no, billion dollar question. What is ‘Love’ and why do we focus so much of our lives on it? I’ve been observing people, pictures, and even my own mind, so I started with the dictionary. The Merrium- Webster dictionary gives you 9 different definitions and a couple of examples.  The first definition actually has 3 different bullet points.  The first bullet states: strong affection for another arising out of kinship or personal ties.This being much like the ‘Love’ one has for their mom or child. Part 2 notes: attraction based on sexual desire :  affection and tenderness felt by lovers. Relating to the want we obtain when we find someone’s body attractive, and sometimes this want is mutual between two or more people. Lastly, it says: affection based on admiration, benevolence, or common interests.This describes the feelings we have towards friends or a partner, because we like the same TV shows, or listen to the same music, or someone helped you carry your stack of boxes across the street, or maybe just because we find someone to be pretty or smart. All of these definitions are true, yes I do not discredit or disagree with any one. However all three of these bullets use the word affection, which is just a synonym for love. So these three definitions are just descriptions or reasons for why we feel, ‘love’. But what is it? 

The human body is a crazy species. Right now we don’t know what other species can feel or think, but we can find out how our own bodies function. So when the Webster failed me I turned to science. Studies in neurochemistry states that there are different feelings to love. These include: Lust, Attraction, and Attachment. When ones body experiences some form of ‘love’, it produces all these crazy chemicals, and extreme amounts of them, the body then shoots them to your brain, where they bounce around resulting in you feeling one of those three types of love.  Some of these chemicals make you feel amazing, the most powerful drug could not make you feel like this. However some of these chemicals can make you the sickest you have ever been in your life. There are poisons that can tear apart your organs, or even kill you, but none of them will make you as physically and mentally ill as the chemicals your own body produces. People have driven themselves crazy from being in ‘love’. 

Society spends their lives fixated on love, we create life plans, and somewhere in there we want want to find our ‘soul mate’, the person we adore, the person who is our best friend, and the person whom we love. I can honestly say I am one of these people, am I ashamed? no. I however am scared I will never know I am in ‘love’ when I actually am. I throw the word around a lot. It is in my every day vocabulary, however I don’t think I am the only one who does this. If I actually used the word truthfully, I think the word love would very rarely touch my lips. I am beginning to believe that this is the reason for my confusion. 

If the word was  to be used less frivolously , there would be much less confusion. I hate to be that person but I will say this, I feel as if we make things a lot more complicated that they once were. There are all these adorable stories of how our grandparents met. How one of them ‘wooed’ the other in this romantic way. I am not saying this doesn’t happen anymore, but it is a lot less often. I feel as if we are scared of this feeling, and we should be. According to science, it’s deadly. There are just so many more preconceived ideas about what it actually is, and because we don’t take the time of educating ourselves, we fear the unknown.  Over the last few days, I seen two different statements about love. The first one was the old saying, "When you love someone you have to let them go, if they are the one they will come back," I’ve never really understood this but people say it and believe it. The second was, "If they loved you enough, they would have tried harder to not let you leave,"So which one is it? Do we let them go, or do we not? Why do we have to rely on the words of others to make our decisions, and why can we not just do what makes us happy? I’m starting to realize that love is not a lone feeling, it can never be on its own. Much like the search for your soulmate, love is constantly searching for its partner. Fear. 

I hold back how I feel towards people because I fear their response, even though I know there is a possibility of it ending with love. As we all make our New Year’s resolutions I think we should think about fighting fear, and allow love to be independent and strong enough to stand alone. 

I’m just really confused.
How can you complain about it one second and then as soon as someone else shows interest in it you claim it as if its been yours all along.
Something doesn’t feel right. I feel like my feelings don’t matter to you, well they do if yours are satisfied. But. That’s cool. I guess.

Just another cheesy post-birthday ponder post.

So yes. Yesterday was my birthday and I turned 20. Nothing special.

And that's where I'm confused. It's was just another day.
Infact it was worse than any other day.

I just felt sad.
Wich makes me feel guilty because everyone went out of their way to change that. I don't want to come off ungrateful but that's how I feel.

Now I'm trying to figure out why.

There is an abundance of work that I have to get done which I keep procrastinating and it makes me even more stressed.
I didn't sleep much this weekend.
And i really miss home.
Im over thinking relationships and I'm leading myself on.

But I think I've come to the conclusion that I am actually feeling lonely.

And this makes me feel even more guilty because I don't want the wonderful people around me to think that I don't take them seriously.
I just feel like I going with the motions and not really interacting with people. I also been having trouble communicating.
I feel unintelligent. I feel uneducated. I feel sheltered and one-sided.

Dumb.

I blame it on nerves but I think it's has a more deep rooted source.

So to wrap this self evaluation up, I think my only 20th birthday resolution is:

Be Happy.

My birthday weekend has begun.

Starting it off right by stay up till 7 am

The RNC 2012 ... So Far

Oh Boy… Where do I start? 

Okay maybe I will start with where I stand, I am registered as undeclared because I want the right to vote no matter if it is a republican or democratic primary. However my point of view leans towards the Democratic party. 

I watched Ann Romney last night. Honestly I feel a sleep a few times. However I was shocked to hear that everyone was impressed by her speech. I was thrown back when I heard that even NPR approved of her public speech skills.  

I none the less was not impressed. 

She stared straight ahead at one teleprompter, rarely scanning the crowd and not even giving herself the basic left, right, and center points in the audience to focus on. Secondly she stumbled over the simplicity of what her speech was. I’m pretty sure there was one point where she almost called Mitt “sexy” by accident. 

Paul Ryan was alllloott better on his presentation and he does have some pretty eyes. To be honest you can tell he took some Speech and Debate classes in college.  So well played there  Mr. Eddie Munster. 

However the Speeches contents leave a lot to be desired. Both of them. They both revolved around God, and Romney’s sense of humor. They both tried to make their team seem like they are normal everyday americans. Even though at one point I’m pretty sure Ryan admitted to living the “American Dream”. Which I am pretty sure is something that most Americans can’t achieve and that is why it is still referred to as a “dream”. 

I was told both night on the terrible things that Obama has not fixed, and how they will be fixed. However I have not been told how. 

Ann talked a lot about supporting women and how women have hard lives. Trying to make it seem like women are important but still kind of stereotyping them into a group, instead of just including both men and women, cause I’m pretty sure men have hard lives also.

Also there was all this talk from her on how women are important and have a right and blahblahblah but wasn’t it the republican party that recently stated that it is a women’s fault if she gets pregnant from rape and she enjoyed it enough that her body didn’t shut down properly? 

All in all, I am quite interested on tomorrows speech from the one and only. I’ll be sure to keep track on how many times god is mentioned in the speech. Cause you know, we are really keeping that god and state thing separate…