“There was only so much you could do”, they say…

Or they give you the ” You did the best you could.”

I don’t believe this. No matter how much I’m told this.. there is something in me that refuses it. I don’t want it to be right.

I feel like if I actually did everything I could the ending would be different. I wouldn’t be so upset right now. I would actually be smiling. I would go to bed and wake up happy.

I do believe that things happen for a reason… but I don’t necessarily believe that we are suppose to know why, but I think dealing with life .. or death… would be so much easier if we did.

I have gone through this alot and I know it’s not going to stop, but it just doesn’t get any easier to deal with.


I guess the reason why I refuse to accept that I did my best, is because one day I really hope I can actually do everything I can and have a happier ending.