Strange Sex

When a male Manakin is mating, they simply dance. They do the moonwalk, to woo their women.

Porcupines, the male.. well he stands up on his hind legs and pisses on her.

think thats weird? Dolphins… they have retractible penis’s that also work as hands..

But wait! That is nothing compared to this.

This one species, They primp themselves, give themselves pep-talks, puff up their chests. Let themselves get this ego that is telling them just how worthy they are. They scope the area for their next mate, who they want as their next victim. If they can’t choose they take advice and let their biased pack members choose for them. They find their lady.. it’s almost as if they have spotted their prey. Instead of just making their move, or getting on their hind legs and pissing on her, they fight the other males in the pack. There is no reason for this, besides marking their territories, like they have the right to claim the female before she has been wooed.

Here comes the wooing. These males, puff up their chest, arms, and legs.. and eyes. Then they just sit and watch. They watch the females every move. Then one awkward moment, they make some strange move… like cornering the female. Making her feel completely uncomfortable. Then, they go back, and stare, watch, creep, prey. Then the awkward move. They keep going back and fourth, finally realize the female has no interest and gets mad. They get angry. They don’t get angry because they had just made a fool out of themselves. They don’t get angry because they realize they were stupid for thinking that because they wanted something they couldn’t have it. they don’t get angry because they lied to their pack mates because he made them believe he had it goin’ on. He gets angry because the female doesn’t give in and the female pretty much shits on him.

Now lets say this male did woo his mate, by his quite strange actions. Unlike most mating rituals, he doesn’t just pounce her and get it on…Sometimes… He treats her like royalty.. for about, maximum.. 3 months. Then he lets his puffed chest get to big and all hell breaks loose and he decides, this isn’t the right mate. For him, He easily moves on to the next female, that will fall into his trap.

This my friends, is how men mate. This morning I decided to Google, strange mating habits, and I’m not sure why mankind was not on any of the lists.