I’m just really confused.
How can you complain about it one second and then as soon as someone else shows interest in it you claim it as if its been yours all along.
Something doesn’t feel right. I feel like my feelings don’t matter to you, well they do if yours are satisfied. But. That’s cool. I guess.

Just another cheesy post-birthday ponder post.

So yes. Yesterday was my birthday and I turned 20. Nothing special.

And that's where I'm confused. It's was just another day.
Infact it was worse than any other day.

I just felt sad.
Wich makes me feel guilty because everyone went out of their way to change that. I don't want to come off ungrateful but that's how I feel.

Now I'm trying to figure out why.

There is an abundance of work that I have to get done which I keep procrastinating and it makes me even more stressed.
I didn't sleep much this weekend.
And i really miss home.
Im over thinking relationships and I'm leading myself on.

But I think I've come to the conclusion that I am actually feeling lonely.

And this makes me feel even more guilty because I don't want the wonderful people around me to think that I don't take them seriously.
I just feel like I going with the motions and not really interacting with people. I also been having trouble communicating.
I feel unintelligent. I feel uneducated. I feel sheltered and one-sided.

Dumb.

I blame it on nerves but I think it's has a more deep rooted source.

So to wrap this self evaluation up, I think my only 20th birthday resolution is:

Be Happy.

My birthday weekend has begun.

Starting it off right by stay up till 7 am

The RNC 2012 ... So Far

Oh Boy… Where do I start? 

Okay maybe I will start with where I stand, I am registered as undeclared because I want the right to vote no matter if it is a republican or democratic primary. However my point of view leans towards the Democratic party. 

I watched Ann Romney last night. Honestly I feel a sleep a few times. However I was shocked to hear that everyone was impressed by her speech. I was thrown back when I heard that even NPR approved of her public speech skills.  

I none the less was not impressed. 

She stared straight ahead at one teleprompter, rarely scanning the crowd and not even giving herself the basic left, right, and center points in the audience to focus on. Secondly she stumbled over the simplicity of what her speech was. I’m pretty sure there was one point where she almost called Mitt “sexy” by accident. 

Paul Ryan was alllloott better on his presentation and he does have some pretty eyes. To be honest you can tell he took some Speech and Debate classes in college.  So well played there  Mr. Eddie Munster. 

However the Speeches contents leave a lot to be desired. Both of them. They both revolved around God, and Romney’s sense of humor. They both tried to make their team seem like they are normal everyday americans. Even though at one point I’m pretty sure Ryan admitted to living the “American Dream”. Which I am pretty sure is something that most Americans can’t achieve and that is why it is still referred to as a “dream”. 

I was told both night on the terrible things that Obama has not fixed, and how they will be fixed. However I have not been told how. 

Ann talked a lot about supporting women and how women have hard lives. Trying to make it seem like women are important but still kind of stereotyping them into a group, instead of just including both men and women, cause I’m pretty sure men have hard lives also.

Also there was all this talk from her on how women are important and have a right and blahblahblah but wasn’t it the republican party that recently stated that it is a women’s fault if she gets pregnant from rape and she enjoyed it enough that her body didn’t shut down properly? 

All in all, I am quite interested on tomorrows speech from the one and only. I’ll be sure to keep track on how many times god is mentioned in the speech. Cause you know, we are really keeping that god and state thing separate… 

This weekend has kinda sucked.

Everything that can go wrong, has.

It is like "Drive Gianna Crazy" week at Sears... I apparently missed the commercial for that sale.

I have spilt excessive amounts of glitter, bruised many spots of my body.. possibly gave my self a concussion. Locked my keys in the car and stepped on my dogs tail.

I have 5 days left of work and I just want to make them worth my time. It's monday, I have tomorrow off to just stop and rewind from working 6 days straight. Breath a little, possibly hang out with some interesting friends.. Get out of the house.

Maybe I will even clean and pack some things..

I really don't know why I have been feeling so weird. It's strange, I feel like I've been complaining a lot.. wich isn't me.

I also feel very sad... wich is also not me.

There are a few things going on in my life that are scaring me for when I go back to school, but I don't want to talk to anyone about it cause I know... I won't be able to keep it together.. and I would love to tell my mom but she has so much stress I don't need to give her something eles to worry about.

So for now I will let it sit and see if I can figure out my life and settle my fears on my own.

goodnight for now.

XOxO

    G

“There was only so much you could do”, they say…

Or they give you the ” You did the best you could.”

I don’t believe this. No matter how much I’m told this.. there is something in me that refuses it. I don’t want it to be right.

I feel like if I actually did everything I could the ending would be different. I wouldn’t be so upset right now. I would actually be smiling. I would go to bed and wake up happy.

I do believe that things happen for a reason… but I don’t necessarily believe that we are suppose to know why, but I think dealing with life .. or death… would be so much easier if we did.

I have gone through this alot and I know it’s not going to stop, but it just doesn’t get any easier to deal with.


I guess the reason why I refuse to accept that I did my best, is because one day I really hope I can actually do everything I can and have a happier ending. 

I love American Standards.

If a guy the same age as me ( 19/20)  says that a 16/17 year old girl is attractive in any manner they are perverted or wack or gross or a rapest.. 

However I could be attracted to a 17 year old boy and well… theres really nothing of it. 

Leaving is Going to Be Bittersweet.

Unlike Stop and Shop, I am kind of hesitant on leaving Sears.

It was soooo easy, because there were soooo many factors contributing to why I needed to leave Stop and Shop.  Sears is different.

I have met some really great people here. (Not just the old ladies like at S&S) People that I have actually hung out with and talk to outside of work.... I guess you call people like that ... "Friends"? ;]

and of course, because I am me... there are people I do not care for. But I find that everywhere.

However there are things I absolutely hate about the job, like the management and the credit.  I can not stand having to sign people up for credit cards because I don't want to make them feel bad if they don't get accepted(a lot don't) and I hate causing them problems and taking up their time. When customers get mad I take it personally, when really it is the stores fault.

I hate how the ASM's tear you down and make you feel like crap to get you to do "Better", even if you weren't doing poorly to begin with.

YET! The pay is not the best but they give a lot of hours. I do have a good time, some days, and I learn new things.  And there are a lot of hot guys that work there.


I think my best bet is to just leave because I'm not happy there. I still feel as if I don't fit in and I also  just want to make people happy not cause them problems.  I don't want to be told I am a bad worker and that I have poor customer service. Nor do I feel the need to prove them wrong.

I am going to leave there saying I did/learned something new, and that I now know that retail is not for me.

Now it is time to start saving and thinking more about school work. Come December the search for a new paid adventure. =]

xoxo
 G

Women's Sufferage was SOoo Ten Years Ago.

I think this War on Women stuff has to stop. I’m sorry I feel like women are not really being attacked anymore but we are still trying to make ourselves look like the victim. I really just don’t understand. Maybe that is really what my problem is, I don’t understand enough. HOWEVER.. when I do research I don’t get a clear answer. With my mighty search engine mutant power I google War On Women. First link sends you to, Stop the War On Women, okay so I thought it was going to tell me what this “War on Women” actually is. All it says is to tell congress to stop attacking planned parenthood. Twice. In BIG Bold letters. To your left you are blessed with a confusing as fuck video. To be honest it is a perfect example of Propaganda. Whoever made this video knows what they are doing. They used 5 key words quite loudly, and even though it didn’t quite fit together they emphasized these words so I was like OOOoooo YES! STOP CONGRESS… but then I realized I still don’t know what I want them to stop. The 5 Key words in this video:
1. Women
 2. Children
 3. Cancer
 4. America
 5. Issue

 Okay why did I choose Issue as one of the big words? because they mix it with all these other words and it gives us this: Right now there an issue that is effecting women and children throughout America and it is increasing the risk of cancer. 


 I really don’t think that is what the problem is. Now in the middle of the page is a petition to tell congress NO. Okay so you are signing up to get junk mail. Underneath this they have 4 bullet points that tell you what you are saying no to… I thought this has to tell me….. No to taking away the rights and freedoms of American women. No to threatening the health of millions of women and their families. No to sneak attacks on women’s right to choose Still not there. The best part is at the bottom of all this it says, “We’ve got to stop this witch hunt. “ WITCH HUNT……

 Are we REALLLLYYY trying to push us “women” back that far? Witch hunts really?

 Anyway, on your left side bar there is what actual women have to say about it.. kind of like a twitter widget. I was interested.

"We must not let them get away with chopping women’s rights… We are not giving back our freedom!”— Jamie M.
 Thank you women for speaking up! You have our hearts, we have your backs! — Michaelann D.

 We are moving right back to the dark ages under this congress. — Dorothea D.

 I was just speechless… either these are staged or they are brainwashed. Since when was Freedom on the line? then I realized underneath all of this was a small little box that says Whats at stake.. and it is not even the a full article.. its just the link to Top 10 shocking attacks from the GOP’s War on Women. I refused to even click on it.. I was done. Now call me ignorant because I refused to dive a little deeper. However why should I even have to.. if the people fighting against the GOP don’t even know what they are fighting against than why should I?

 Propaganda at it’s best. It’s sad because if something awful isn’t happening they have to make something eles up.. It’s like a drug addict, People don’t have anything to fight for so they have to dig up and manipulate all these stories to create a monster.

 I wonder whats next Congress is going to take away Women’s right to vote again?

This may sound a little ignorant but...

I would really prefer not to learn another language. I am not sure why I am forced to be put through the stress and possible failure in a class because I don't have the attention span, intrest and capability of learning another language. I'm not saying this I'm prejudice to people who can't speak english... or because I live in America. That shit pisses me off. People who live in american need to reevaluate their definition of what it means to be "American" I am just saying I should be given the choice if I want to expand my vocabulary. Some things are not right for people, some things are harder for people to understand. for me it is learning another language. I taken two classes of two different languages and in the beginning it seems fine but as soon as I get a little deeper it falls down hill. SO I guess for the next 3 weeks I will hold my head high and fail gracefully. =]

Why Is It So Difficult To Be Happy?

I’m not talking about the 16 year old angst against your mother unhappy. I’m talking, every day happiness. It just seems so difficult to achieve. I work in retail as a cashier, I get every kind of customer, young and old and of all ethnicities. I have observed that majority of them are miserable. I just don’t understand. They are either in a hurry and something sets them off or they came into the store irate. I understand that times are hard, funds are low, and media can be some sort of contributor. However is it really still that hard to look past the materialistic side and put on a smile? The worst part is that anger has an avalanche effect on not only you but the people around you. It is as contagious as a simple yawn. This is where I struggle, because I try to start my day with some form of joyfulness, however as soon as something/someone upsets me I become annoyed or irritated and it eventually overcomes my whole day and puts me in this snappy mood. I question this because I have seen happy people, they are there and when they are it is a breath of fresh air. A rainbow. The light at the end of the tunnel. A glimmer of hope. It is truly mesmerizing to see a person that you know is happy, you know that they have experienced the roughness but are still living life to the fullest and always wearing a smile. Everyday I drive down my street and I pass this little old man probably 75-80 years. He rides this light blue moped. He has a license plate and everything, however he only goes about 10MPH, so I don’t think he’s going anywhere in particular. He is just going to go. He doesn’t let the cars going 50MPH, honking, and swearing bother him, he doesn’t speed up for them. He just keeps going. I love it,(not sure why it upsets people so much I guess impatience comes with anger) you can tell he enjoys it and that hes just happy to be doing it. I understand that we have bad days every once and a while, but I wish that we could turn them into a bad afternoon or maybe down to just a bad hour. Because I sadly see them turning into bad weeks and then bad lives. I guess the next time I wake up on the “wrong side of the bed” or the red light is taking just a little to long to turn green… I’m going to slow down and smile.

Poem From A Plane

Never knew I had a fear of heights and I’m to afraid to escape this flight

Theres an urge to run with the beat,

but My feet are stuck beneath this seat

Sitting in the cockpit, in control of this 737, which button do I push to get to heaven?

Ladies and Gentlemen please fasten your seatbelts, it’s going to be a bumpy ride.

— GiANNA MUFASA =]

***DISCLAIMER!!!***

I love flying in planes! I don’t really fear planes!

Thoughts on a Plane!

There are a few “resolutions” I have set out to do for the new years, nothing drastic. I really hate making new years resolutions because, well to be honest, I never follow through. But non-the less, I have made some. I’m not going to share all with you because that would just be too personal for tumblr.. and god forbid I put myself out there. A lot of them are some that people don’t really realize about me. So one of them is to widen my vocabulary, I haven’t quite figured out how to do that yet, but I want to become a decent speaker. By widening my vocabulary, I don’t mean use the biggest words I can find, I mean, I need to know what words should be used when and things other than because and but, or even however. I use however a lot. I also need to learn the meaning of these words, if not I will throw them in to sentences and it probably won’t make sense. A lot of people tell me I should read more to be achieve this, however I just don’t like books. I can’t get into them. Which is kind of weird because I enjoy writing.

Another goal of mine is to really get back into blogging, not just with tumblr but with my blogger too, I used to post some great shit that had a meaning. I had a story to tell and a point to prove. I may not have used big fancy words but lets say I kept it classy. I know I go on tangents, like this one, where I post something worthwhile, However, Lately it’s just like glee or Hugh jackman and Cory monteith. I am on a plain right now, and I don’t have Internet so I am using word but I think after I am going to post some things about that too.

A lot of people think of Glee, and attractive men, when it comes to my mind. Yes, I agree, those things take up much of it. I love glee, \and I also love to post about it, so I think a long with the posting about more meaningful topics things, I am going to post more about things I enjoy besides glee. One big thing is politics. I love them. I love knowing everyone’s point of view and then portraying my own. It interest me the most on why people think a certain way. I have strong opinions about things and I am always up for a good debate. There was a kid in high school I talked to about politics for a little while, and we would debate about topics even though we both agreed with each other. It was wonderful.

My last Blog related resolution is that I need to listen/read more NPR. Everything that comes out of that radio station is pure gold. They have the best viewpoints and to be honest I don’t find any of it biased, just real. The people on the station are hilarious, and the topics are always about current events. They always know how to get me thinking.